A Sky Full Of Stars
A sense of trepidation that had taken root in the pit of my stomach, had over the days wound its way upward at a glacial pace so to speak, only to manifest itself into pure dread as I positioned myself in front of the laptop minutes before my first virtual session. Much like Katniss from the Hunger Games, I knew little or none about this new arena or the threats besetting this new world. Katniss and Peeta erred on the side of good reason and made a pact in order to survive as did my co-teacher and I. As exaggerated as this analogy may sound, teachers world over, I assure you will find equally if not more horrible analogies to describe their predicament. Our combined repository of teaching and learning experiences would do very little to help us in this unexplored arena. Emptying it however and filling it instead with grit, zeal, and ingenuity would go a long way, this bit we had deduced conclusively. Over barely thirty-six hours of interacting with each other, we had come to realise that we would have to lean on each other, more so than any co-teachers ever had in the history of co-teaching.
We had spent the weekend in a frenzy, daze, and anticipation all rolled into one washed down with copious amounts of coffee, filling the hours leading to the start of term with conversations ranging from moderately relevant to mostly irrelevant on the whole. I for one, can tell you without an iota of doubt that this was the most I’d spoken to anyone within a few hours of getting to know them. In retrospect, we perhaps were drawing strength from each other in hope of finding some semblance of normalcy in the days to come. Our first moment of victory albeit fraught with hiccups was an introductory video for our class gleaned from half-baked tech skills and mostly the kindness of my co-teacher’s spouse.
I can safely say that meeting our class for the first time was way smoother than what we had anticipated it to be. The nail-biting moment was dispelled instantaneously by heart-melting smiles and an ease in manner that is an exclusive trait of children alone. Their untainted hearts devoid of the complexities of adult life had given them a certain leverage over the situation. Their laughter and enthusiasm could be likened to being amidst bubbles of sparkly optimism. As the first session drew to a close, a realisation dawned upon us that we would need the children much more than they would need us. Together we would build a cocoon suspended in the expanse of the world wide web, pinning our hopes and dreams to it, while giving it life in the form undiluted love, care and courage. We had indeed embarked upon a journey to the unknown with bolstered spirits and a handy sense of humour to go with it.
A unanimous vote in favour of the name Dolphins was made; no sooner had the name been chosen than began the many displays of solidarity. True to their name, they were protective of members in their pod or as in this case their friends. The COVID-19 crisis, if at all to be merited in any way, had led to the strengthening of bonds by presenting a unique situation wherein the entire batch had transitioned to a new grade hand in hand. They had each other’s back long before we could unpack the word teamwork in class. Loyalty wasn’t displayed boisterously but in a purposeful and peaceable manner. A strong system of mutual understanding founded in friendship and trust existed in our class much before we came along. As an adult, I have the vocabulary to eloquently string together words to describe what I witnessed. However, it was second nature to the Dolphins and uncomplicated to say the least.
One of the many privileges of being a kindergarten teacher is witnessing the unfolding of innate passions. Talent would’ve been a better descriptor, however I wouldn’t want to reduce the magic I experience to a mere marketable skill. Have you witnessed a child’s eyes lighting up and their voices practically dancing with mirth? Have you watched a child building something laden with creative genius? Let’s just call it passion, for the lack of a better word. Its fluidity and varying forms, bound by neither standard nor structure, makes its comprehension harder for adults to process. Years of societal conditioning has led us to view the world in the form of molds. Children are all about breaking the mold. No teacher can ever deny being touched by this innate passion.
The COVID-19 crisis has inflicted its wounds on practically everyone. How deep the wound runs may vary, but it has left an indelible mark on all our lives. As the lockdown began, I too wasn’t far behind in jumping on the bandwagon of digging up dormant hobbies and ticking items off long-forgotten to-do lists. It was a godsend after all, a meaningful pause from the rut to rejuvenate, retrospect and eventually be launched back into life as we know it. Who would’ve anticipated then, the scale of what was transpiring around us. No amount of Dalgona coffee challenges or well-meaning government initiatives (Modi’s bartan bajao and lighting lamps) as a bid to express solidarity could’ve prepared us for what was darkly looming over the horizon.
My understanding of mental health ranged from Slyvia Plath’s Bell Jar to Deepika Padukone’s candid tell-all about her battle with depression. Perched safely upon inexperience, I had a theoretical perspective on the whole. The COVID-19 crisis afforded the luxury of a tête-à-tête with oneself for many. As enlightening as this may sound, the reality of it is far from pleasant. Deep-seated feelings came gushing forth like a giant tsunami wave, knocking me over and leaving me feeling enfeebled and incapacitated. As I tumbled down the slope leading to an endless pit, I withdrew from others as much as I did from myself.
Over those few months of perpetual darkness, the steadfast presence of a few and their unwitting ways had the effect of gradually thawing parts of me that had iced over glassily. My co-teacher and the Dolphins especially, among others, helped me find myself when I was despairing aimlessly. My co-teacher spent many unpaid hours listening to me patiently and many more pumping in positivity and hope. Little did the Dolphins know that every time they shared something funny or were unapologetically themselves, the more I picked up the pieces and got back on my feet. Their unflappable spirits and undiminished enthusiasm turned into a much-needed antidote. Flanked on either side by simplicity and humour, they began to represent life as the many joys tucked away in small moments.
Our virtual world, however far from reality, has been marked by many memorable moments. Precious moments that helped us float away on clouds of nostalgia, back to the school building, beckoning us ever so warmly. Over time, we have been overawed spectators of the steadfast efforts of some, who have gone from barely identifying letters at first, to reading simple sentences with ease and confidence. The credit for this goes to the parents and children in equal parts. Without their implicit trust, complete commitment and indomitable spirits, this home-school partnership wouldn’t have been possible. We’ve been students at times, hopefully good ones, to our Dolphins, who have patiently, whenever a situation presented itself, helped us wade through technology. Year after year, teachers have taken great pleasure in divining friendships in their class that would stand the test of time. Set against the backdrop of COVID-19, we were positive that bonds had been forged for life. As teachers we can only hope that the recreational pleasure derived from visual arts, language, music and dance among others, would someday bring solace to them when life got dismal. Our Dolphins are bibliophiles in the making and any fellow bookworm would agree that the wealth of wisdom in a humble book is unparalleled.
There is a distinct image that pops up in my head every time I think of the Dolphins. Many years from now, as I fondly look back on this batch of angels in disguise, I’ll travel back in time to the day I witnessed them dancing in abandon to ‘Better when I’m dancing’ by Meghan Trainor. Watching them dance uninhibitedly in consummate happiness fills me with joy. I hope against hope, that they continue dancing like no one’s watching and remain their buoyant and unpretentious selves as they journey through life. The title ‘A sky full of stars’ was decided upon the day a little Dolphin while being deeply engaged in something engrossing, looked up briefly to suggest that we play this Coldplay song. A sky full stars, you would agree is a sight to behold. The Dolphins are just as dazzling but above all, a sight for sore eyes.
